Feeling

Sometimes you feel like the whole world is collapsing in on you. Everything seems to be going wrong, there’s simply too much to be done, and no way that it’s going to be done well.

I used to experience such feelings more frequently and for longer durations. Since I’ve learned that I’m somehow always able to make it out to the other side, I experience these moments less often and less intensely than before. But they still occur.

Sometimes what you need is to talk to someone you trust. Sometimes it’s to listen to a song at full blast. Sometimes it’s to yell at the top of your lungs. Sometimes it’s to exercise with absolutely no thought. Sometimes it’s to cry hopelessly. Whatever works for you, whatever it is you need in that moment, you’ve just got to do it.

Eventually the clouds fade away. You see that while some things aren’t working, others are. While you might not be able to do everything, you can do what’s important. And while it may not be done perfectly, it just might be good enough.

You realize that reality hasn’t changed. Your old feelings were simply fooling you. Or are your new feelings fooling you now? You don’t know. All you know is that believing in your old feelings means stopping. And believing in your new feelings means moving forward.

So you choose to believe in your new feelings. You choose to move forward. You go and do it. You keep chugging away.

And you hope. You hope that your conviction and hard work pay off.

Your fears always remain within striking distance of a few neurons. And even more scary, death remains an unpredictable split second away.

But you hold these feelings at bay. Not now. Not while my brain is still working and my body is still moving. Not while I’m still feeling.